Adolescence

I was eating paani-puri at a local thela when suddenly I got a call from an unknown number. I put down the saucer and attended the call. A strange voice asked me to come down to the police station as I had skipped a traffic signal in the city and I carried no license. I was shocked, how could someone call me for skipping a traffic signal? Everybody in the town does that. And even if they have noted down the vehicle number in the dim light of the night, the registration details drawn out of the database would clearly indicate my father’s mobile number and not mine. Then how in Devil’s name did someone get my number? And how did he know that I wasn’t carrying a license? I was completely at shock and started to apologize without even knowing whom I was speaking to. Then all of a sudden I heard a boisterous laugh burst out from the caller’s side. Somebody was making a fool our of me. I couldn’t recognize the voice. Later he confessed who he was and I laughed out with such an extreme joy that even the paani-poori guy was taken aback with my excitement.

It was an old friend of mine who was playing a prank on me. We’d studied in the same school till 10th standard. He asked me to come down to Delhiwala Sweet shop. It’s not a hangout place as such, but it is an important landmark in the city and everyone knows about it. I went to the shop to see what was he looking like, coz I hadn’t seen him in like 8 years. There he was, along with 2 more guys from my class. As soon as I approached the venue, they all started to make funny faces to tease me regarding that phone call. After a while, I too gave in and that short coincident get together turned out to be a memorable one as the school time scandals of Javed and Khalid started to unleash. I had almost forgotten everyone after going out of the school as I had other big plans in my mind and as there were no means of communication in those days to be in contact with the old guys. I’d lost all my contacts with school friends and now I truly regret that.

Those were some really sweet memories. We kept chatting for an hour or so about the whereabouts of other friends and then came the hottest topic of the day. It was about our Physics teacher.

Almost every one from my class had a teenage crush on her. Everyone tried their best to impress her in the class. Some of them by wishing her Good Mornings and Good Evenings every now and then and some others by staring at her continuously without blinking their eyes off. I, on the other hand, tried some sober techniques. I tried to get good grades in her subject; told her about the latest achievements and discoveries in physics; and pointed out her mistakes, at times, to make her know what kind of a perfection-lover guy I was. But none of them worked out. Alas! However, as I see it now, at least I made a nice attempt and I’m sure she loved me for my honesty and my dedication towards understanding physics as a young student and for my effort in the exams to stand out at the top of the class. But then one day we came to know that she was engaged to a NRI guy and was about to get married. Anarchy prevailed in the class and all the students were upset. After all, it was their first pseudo-break-up :P. Their first crush was getting married to a bloody NRI. There were even fights among some group of students who thought that thinking about the teacher was their own prerogative.

I mean, can you believe that? I had no notion about that but that little get together unveiled these facts and I couldn’t but resist myself from being awed at listening to these scandals.

A friend in that group maintains a database of all the scandals that had happened during and after the school time and starts narrating them whenever there is a company to hear to him. As usual, he started narrating the sexy school time scandals and my memory kept going back to those adolescent school days when I didn’t know what made women different from men, why is there an attraction between these two sexes and what drives the impulse to such an attraction. That was the time when I had no idea what I was going to do with my life;  no idea how to talk to the opposite sex(as I had studied in a boys school); and no idea, whatsoever, of what porn was.

Well that’s how I was, and I guess that’s how everyone at that age were like. But later on we have developed and we came to know of all these things and we too, like others, were thrown into the web of conscience to find our own way. And the happiness in being ignorant had lost; the happiness in being shy towards the opposite sex had vanished; the happiness in being adolescent had disappeared.

No matter how much I think about being adolescent again, I’d never have such an opportunity again. But given a chance, I’d definitely like to go sit in those classrooms with all those idiot friends of mine and attend the class of my physics teacher.

At the end of our conversation, I could see a happiness in everyone’s smiles but I could even see the numbness in their eyes. A numbness created by the nostalgia and a strong craving to re-attend the school. We promised each other to keep in touch and to organize a get together of the whole batch soon. After giving a tight hug, we parted our ways. 🙂

You too might have had an interesting time in your adolescent days, if so, do write a post of your own adolescent days and paste your link in the comments!

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Saas Bahu and Bullshit

Generally, I don’t watch Saas Bahu TV soaps. But my cousins, they follow all the TV shows that air on Zee TV, Star Plus, Sony, Colors, Imagine and many other channels. Recently, when they visited my place, they asked me to put on their favorite channel, Zee, on TV. Without hesitation, I changed the channel.

I took my dinner plate and joined them to see what was cooking in the lives of the Parvatis and the Tulsis. It was some other serial, ostensibly similar to the rest of the saas bahu soaps. I was in no mood to watch them, but I couldn’t refuse to accompany them either. So I stayed. Well, I had nothing to do, so I started listening to those hackneyed phrases. And suddenly, I heard a very strong, yet cliched, dialogue:

बहु: “आज  आपने  मेरे  पति  पर जो  आरोप  लगाया  है .. वो  इनके  चरित्र  पर  दाग  है .. और  मैं  इस  दाग  को  धो  कर  दिखाउंगी ”

सास  (सौतेली ): “चामुंडेश्वरी  देवी  के  खून का  रंग  इतना  फीका  नहीं  की  तुझ  जैसे  पापी  के  धोने  से  धुल  जाये ”

बहु : “अब  बस ! आपने  अभी  तक  सुमित्रा (herself) का  त्याग  देखा  है .. प्यार  देखा  है .. मगर  दुश्मनी  (a long pause).. आप  सोच  भी  नहीं  सकती  की  सुमित्रा .. जो  अपनी  पति  के  लिए  जान  दे  सकती  है .. वही  सुमित्रा  अपने  पति  पर  कोई  आंच  न  आये .. इसीलिए  किसी  की  जान  ले  भी  सकती  है ”

and I was like WTF!

And the background music turns to be a mixture of emotional, inspirational and revenge types. The cameraman shows the face expressions of all the members in a very slow motion. Bahu has an up turned eyebrow. Saas has an angry look and the husband has an expressionless face.

Btw the husband, in this soap, is mentally disabled. No wonder!

P.S.: Watching Saas Bahu Soaps can be dangerous to your health. 😛

Best one-liners on the internet

courtesy: bitsandpieces

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Children in the back seat make accidents, but accidents in the back seat make children.

By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

I’m a humble person, really. I’m actually much greater than I think I am.\

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves

No one is listening until you fart.

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.

When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.

Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

Roses are red violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic and so are you.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone

Phone(y) Dream!

Yesterday, I came from my office tired and exhausted, not even willing to go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. I simply took my clothes off, put them into the washing machine, and went to sleep. Thank goodness! The next day was Saturday. I slept for quite a long time.

After some time, I heard my roommate yelling at someone. I was in deep sleep and I didn’t care to see whom was he talking to. With my half-opened eyes, I saw him holding a phone in his hands, and an outrageous expression on his face. I asked him, “Dude! What the fuck is your problem now?” To which he replied, “My problem? Okay. Well, as usually my boss yelled at me, the gift I brought for my girlfriend was found to be broken, a virus has infected my PC “Fuck you M$”, and the washing machine is not working because my poor roommate threw his pink phone in it and now I have to go to the airport to receive my boss’ friend.” I was like

“What? Did I? You sure?”

“Here. Take this.” He said handing over my phone.

“Oh Shit! Crap! Fuck. I’m extremely sorry, dude. I was so tired that I forgot to empty my pocket before going to sleep. So now, what do I do?”

“Don’t you worry! I have read the manual and it says that if the phone is wet, just put it in sun until every part of it is dry and even after doing this if the phone doesn’t work properly, go to the customer care.”

It was 8 in the morning, I took the wet phone removed the battery and put it in sunlight. I was still feeling sleepy, so I went back to bed again.

Someone was heavily knocking the door. Therefore, I went there and opened it. There was no one there, but now I felt weight on my right shoulder as if someone has put a hand on my shoulder from the back. I was so afraid; I could feel the adrenaline rush under my skin. With an apprehensive look on my face, I turned back. To my surprise, I was at home standing right in front of my mom. Looking at my wet forehead, she asked “What was I worried about?” and I said “Nothing. Just didn’t expect you at this time” Suddenly, I heard the sound of TV. The maid’s son was watching his favorite cartoon, Tom and Jerry, on the television. I snatched the remote from his hands and somehow while doing this the channel just got changed and now we were watching “Sach ka Saamna” on Star Plus. Rajeev asked somebody “Have you ever put your phone in your pocket and threw your pants in the washing machine?” I was shocked. How could he know that I did that? Suddenly, my phone was ringing and I went to grab it. It was a call from some unknown number. I picked up the phone and said “Hello.” A voice just as Rajeev Khandelwal’s replied to me. He said “Yes. I’m asking you. Did you ever throw your handset in the washing machine?” By this time, I almost freaked out. How did he get my phone number and how dare he ask me this question in front of the whole world? I was dumbstruck. I did not answer him. He said, “Are you there? Since, you weren’t replying, I’m gonna ask you one more question. Are you wearing your pants?” This time, I was wondering what the fuck is happening to me! I was very confident until that time, but as I looked down, I was not really wearing any pants. I felt very cold, the whole place became dark right in front of my eyes; I could even hear my heart beat loud and clear. Somehow, I gathered the courage to face the truth and I looked up. A chill ran down my spine. This can’t be real. Rajeev was sitting right in front of me, his cold-blooded gaze cutting directly into my brain through the eyes. His voice suddenly turned to a more frightening one, just like the Joker’s from The Dark Knight. He kept asking me the same question repeatedly as if he were really enjoying doing the task. I could now feel a sadistic excitement in his voice. By this time, I had realized that I was sitting on the hot seat, half-naked. It was so embarrassing. I didn’t know what to do. I was on the television. People, all around the world were watching me, and what was I doing? Scratching my balls in public. My brain was not ready to accept this and then unexpectedly I heard some sound, as if I just saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I heard someone say “WAKE UP ASSHOLE. ITS RAINING OUT SIDE AND YOUR PHONE IS GETTING WET”I opened my eyes only to realize that it was a real bad dream.

PS: My phone is in excellent condition. The story was just to describe the dream that I had yesterday night. Did you ever get any such dream?

Dostana – A review

In order to come out of the clouds of tension of last week’s CAT, I thought of spending some time watching some good movie. Everybody said, watch “Dostana”. Its kind of a good movie. A new concept has been introduced in the movie for the first time in India. So here we go.

I had already heard about all the ‘Gaypanti’ in the movie but I still wanted to go watch that movie. As it turned out, it was a laugh riot. Seriously, I mean Gay jokes were always funny but what if they were spiced up with a lil misunderstanding and some desi masala? No wonder, that makes it much more interesting. You never get bored of these jokes. And the level of these jokes hasn’t degraded if we compare them to the classical ‘Kanta Behen’ joke from ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’. The level has increased in fact.

I wonder why sensor board hasn’t taken any action against the film for showing the sexual content which is banned in India! I mean the sensor board is always against showing extra skin, number of kisses (especially against Mallika Sherawat), use of the word ‘condom’ (Hello!), ‘fuck’, etc. But in this movie the word ‘Gay’ has been used number of times and censor board doesn’t have any problems with it. I wonder why!

Not considering the censor board, I must say it was a very bold attempt by Karan Johar to show the love among Gay couples. As the plot has been set in Miami, I’m pretty sure the movie is not apt for the Indian audience.

Coming to the movie, John Abraham’s acting was good. Abhishek Bachan did a great job acting like a gay. The funniest thing about the movie, according to me, is that the person who looks more Gayish than anyone else in his real life is the the only straight person in the movie and he is “Bobby Deol” :P. Priyanka Chopra was looking totally freaking awesome. I became a big fan of her after watching Fashion and I believe she deserves a film-fare for best actress for the role that she has played. In this movie too Priyanka was looking hot. Her acting was good, I mean when compared to her acting in Fashion, this was nothing but then she was perfect as far as her role was concerned in this movie. Boman Irani was okay. but I don’t think there was any need for his character in the movie.

All in all its a good movie to watch, to adore and to criticize. Except for the KISS in the end (Oh! Did I reveal the secret?), I must say the movie was good. The twists in the movie were awesome. And of course, the Gay jokes were hilarious. If not a family entertainer, this movie is at least a stress reducer. I would rate it as 3.5/5.

So what are you waiting for. Just go watch it. Haffun!

CAT 2008 cut offs

All the preparation, all the effort and the  time to showcase it is just 2.5 hours. Its all about how you manage your time in CAT.

CAT 2008 was a very different type of paper. It consisted of 90 questions. 25 – Quant, 25 – DI, 40 – Verbal. And they want us to show competence in each section. I ask, how could one show competence when the paper itself his highly imbalanced. Well, I might not know what was the strategy behind setting this kind of a paper, but all I know is that THIS IS FU*KING UNFAIR. Usually in CATs, paper used to have equal weightage in all the three sections so that people coming from different backgrounds had the equal opportunities. Now that the weightage for VA has been increased, people from non-engineering backgrounds have a higher opportunity of getting through. Not only that the no. of questions in VA has increased but the toughness in other 2 sections has also increased. That clearly means that this time the IIM faculty wants more number of non-engineering background students. Why? I have no FU*KING idea. So basically the moral of the story is “He who knows better englis is gonna make through CAT 2008.”

Whatever the case might be, the expected cutoffs for this CAT as per T.I.M.E. are

QA -> 17- 19

DI -> 28 – 30

VA -> 41 – 43

Aggregate -> 120 – 124 (97.5 percentile)

And the results will be declared by the end of first week of January. All I can do for now is “Wait and Watch” 😦